On My Heart Lately...

I've been thinking a lot lately on praise and worship. I've struggled through the years with it. My background has many many times where I've been ridiculed for standing out, so I have always held back in my worship also. It saddens me each time I feel the urge to shout but back down. I feel almost ashamed of my worship style. My wife even tells me I'm more conservative then most conservative Christians are. It truth, my heart is very charismatic. It shows through in my play, but not my worship. I used to always pray that God would break my bondages of shame, but I never acted out in faith with my true way of worship. I get excited for Jesus to the extend where I nearly shout "Praise God!" but I always back down... and it feels almost as if I disappointed him. I call it the God complex... When you refuse to act in obedience due to a fear.. and you are guilty about it the whole day...

There have been many times where God urged me to pray for someone.. and I walk away because I wonder what the person would think or if it was really from God.. I have a big fear of praying and then nothing happens and I look like a fool... There have also been many times where I feel I should get up and say something... I have the whole thing ready to be said word for word... But I just can't muster the courage to speak... the times that I have spoken.. I don't say it the right way because fear grips me.. It haunts me the rest of the day... What could have been... I guess this God complex I'm talking about is actually a form of regret..

Anyway.. I was meaning to talk about Worship...

Lately I have been feeling the spirit of God move in my personal worship. I don't know if it's happening through the entire church because I don't pay attention to them. Worship is between God and I. I've been getting more and more excited for Jesus, and I know He is about to break loose. I'm so thankful that God is helping me tear off some of those shackles that have been holding me back.

Worship is our true adoration of God. They way we worship should reflect our view of him. When people see us worship... they should see God in it. It should paint an image of who He is. Granted, it's only a reflection. We can't tell anyone how truly great and wonderful He is, because we aren't able to give Him what He truly deserves. But our worship should plant an idea.. I get excited because I see my God as something to get excited about.. He's my hero.. and He wants me for who I am where nobody else has... Nobody truly accepts you for who you are except God.. People have a natural tendency at not being satisfied with the way others are. We love with a condition. That even includes the way they see theirselves.. But God is satisfied with you as long as He has you to love him.. It's something to get excited about.. But God is loving and merciful also... Those of us who bow down on their knees... and cry on his lap.. loving on him.. show that reflection.. God is peaceful.. and those of us who worship peacefully show that.. Our worship is a reflection of our view of Him.

Worship is essential because it's our chance to give back to God. I know we can never outgive Him, but we can't just be in a take relationship either. He gives us salvation and love, we give Him the glory.. and we love on Him in return.. It's our ultimate way of giving to God... God has given us enough... That doesn't stop him from giving more, but He has given us enough.. We constantly (me included) attend church asking what God has to give to us that day, but what about what we have to give to God? Start living life asking God what you can give to him, and watch the wonderful things that take place.